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WWRGD- She Just Wants to Be Friends

She Just Wants to Be Friends. Help!

Life getting you down? Have no fear – our resident guru, Ryan G. explains why asking yourself, “what would Ryan Gosling do?” is the answer to all your problems.

 

Dear Ryan,

 

My girlfriend and I just broke up after six months of dating. Yesterday, she called me and told me she wants us to still be friends. I said bullocks. Lo and behold, the next day, she texts me, “I can’t imagine not having a friendship with you. Can we talk about it later?”

 

I’m not at all heartbroken over the break-up but it seems ridiculous to try and force a friendship right afterwards.

 

What’s more, I don’t believe in being friends with exes – never have, never will. How can I get the point across that I just don’t care about those kinds of friendships?

 

 

Over It Oliver

 

****************

 

 

Dear Over It Oliver

 

 Ah, the dreaded “I really want us to still be friends.” There are few things more obnoxious than an ex who just has to maintain a friendship. It’s the most unnecessary, self-indulgent and condescending part of breaking up. In fact, it’s a good thing you guys broke up because she clearly has no clue how the male mind works.

 

The only way to get this broad off your back is to beat her at her own game, Gosling style.

 

Text her back, “I can’t imagine not having a friendship with you either. Let’s please talk about it tomorrow night.” Use the time to prepare yourself for the following:

 

When she arrives, open the door and greet her with a big smile and a boisterous, “Hello, Friend!” Hug her for at least 30 seconds.

 

As she walks in, grab her hand and say, “So (insert obnoxious ex’s name), I made you a gift. It’s a friendship bracelet. I would love nothing more than to tie it around your delicate wrist.”

 

Lead her into the living room and ask her take a seat on the couch. Tell her you’ve prepared a little song to honor your burgeoning friendship (if you play the ukulele, even better).

 

Remember this one from third grade?

 

Make new friends

But keep the old

One is silver

And the other gold

 

Be serious. But be off-key.

 

Continue to sing the song on repeat. Should she want to interrupt and say something, don’t let her. Just keep singing. Eventually, she’ll get the picture that there’s nothing to talk about and she’ll leave as quickly as possible.

 

 

Your welcome.

 

 

Ryan G.

 

 

 

________________________

Disclaimer: the words and opinions of Ryan G. are in no way connected to Ryan Gosling. ________________________





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